The Myspace Angle (aka Happy Valentine's Day)

I get the fact that people are self conscious. I understand people want to look good at all times, in all situations. I can even understand the idiotic tendencies both genders have to modifying themselves to look more attractive than they normally would be. But ladies and gentlemen, in this digital age where there's more than one picture of you on the web, there's really no such thing as 'your best face'. Enter the myspace angle.

The myspace angle is a technique of photography, made popular on myspace, by which not-so attractive women make themselves look more attractive my taking a picture that generally only features head, neck, boobs and maybe some leg action. The pictures are self-shot, generally using the one armed 'party' shot position, but can also happen in the bathroom using a mirror.

The visual mechanics are simple. When men look at pictures of women, they only look at faces, tits, legs and asses. As such, the faces are heavily made up, mask like even. The boobs are visible in either a low cut shirt, a tight fitting shirt for the curve, or with bra only. The legs, if visible, are shaved, and you never really see much of them.

Now if you're astute, you already know where I'm going with this. If not, first realize this is a generalization based on observed situations, and second, I challenge you to prove me wrong. The people most likely to use this angle are bigger women. Defining 'big', because according to Hollywood, big is a size four, big means blatantly outright fat. Not obese, but just fat. Not muscular heavy, not 'thick' but straight up fat (there'll be a blog post about size soon, I promise you). They use it for the obvious reasons, and for the obvious reasons, it will work., but here's my overriding points:

First, guys on the web know the myspace angle as soon as it's presented to them. Second, guys who are total n00bs can recognize he myspace angle immediately. Third, unless the only profile pictures of you are of the myspace angle, guys are going to figure out your true size. Fourth, if all your profile pictures are myspace angled, then it's as sure as telling someone your true size.

Now for some tips: Ladies, stop abusing the shot. I realize the full on shot isn't always desired, but Jesus Christ, it's like loading an Uzi with silver bullets. Sooner or later, you'll have a useless weapon. Be loud, be proud. If the guys can't handle it, fuck 'em, they're not worth it. I'm not saying that it's a free pass to be a slobby as humanly possible, but for the sake if nothing else, your health, at the very least, take care of yourselves. Guys have to do the same, it's a two way street.
Gentlemen: I know what I'm about to do is like shouting at a brick wall, but stop being so damned image obsessed. Women are not our playthings, they are not to be molded into what we want. Take them as they are or don't put them through unnecessary grief. Here's something else that you don't want to hear, we're responsible for the myspace angle. The douchebags amongst us have forced women to find creative ways to be noticed when they don't have to. For serious gentlemen, they're boobs, we'll fondle them, and it's a warm vagina, we'll put our pee pees into them. It's a matter of degrees after that and the spacing is ludicrous.

So with that, happy Valentine's Day. Spread the love to everyone, just don't get her pregnant, and don't give him/her lasting marks for work tomorrow.