A Declaration of War Against MTV

Last month in this blog, I composed an open letter to Tony DiSanto, MTV's President of Programming in which I addressed politely how MTV has strayed from its roots and that its programming was an absolute betrayal of everything it stood for. I know he didn't read it, because at the moment five people other than me reads this thing, the point is, I had written all this down last month for all to see

And then this happened: MTV Orders Two Extreme Stunt Reality Series followed by MTV's Big Change

That was the last straw. I'm officially DECLARING WAR on MTV

First, I'd like to say I'm glad to see they changed their logo. It'll be much easier to attack the bastards by speculating what their new tagline is going to be now that they totally can't front music anything.

Now, let's proceed to ripping DiSanto a new asshole by illustrating just how moronic a move this is. DiSanto has ordered two new 'extreme stunt' shows. Dudesons in America being run by Jukka Dudeson and Johnny Knoxville. The other, MTV's Parkour Challenge is essentially a gigantic free running course a la Casino Royale.

I can work with Parkour Challenge, I dare say it wouldn't be interesting to watch for a couple of minutes, but has anybody noticed anything familiar about Dudesons in America? You should. The Dudesons were first featured as one of the guest dumbasses on Viva La Bam. Bam Margera was a guest dumbass on the appropriately named Jackass. Get it? This is third generation Jackass (fourth if you count Wildboyz, fifth if you count Bam's Unholy Union). There is potential for a night to be comprised solely of Johnny Knoxville and friends doing idiotic shit all the time.

"There is so much competition for the eyes and attention of young guys these days that we really have to over-deliver and create can't miss, event television for them," said Tony DiSanto, president of programming for MTV. "These two shows feature physical stunts that are jaw-dropping and unprecedented."

Here is a list of reasons why this statement makes Mr. DiSanto look like a fucking idiot:

• Competition for eyes and attention of young guys? Short of the young guys in question being more intelligent than average, or being either a dork/nerd/geek or gay, there are exactly two networks that they would watch: Spike and MTV, both of which are owned by Viacom, so where's the competition?
• Over-deliver? Since they're about to remove any vestiges of music from the television, MTV will become Laguna Beach Hills, Jersey Shore and Jackasses. Every so often, Ashton or Nick Cannon will make an appearance, but here's the thing Tony, it's called OVERKILL
• Can't miss, event television? By default, doesn't that mean the event in question can only happen once? I'll give you a pop culture example of what I mean: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Not so sweet the fifty thousandth time.
• Jaw-dropping and unprecedented physical stunts? From the network that brought us tennis ball cannon nutshots, barcalounger skiing, shopping cart long jump and stapling/pinning assholes shut, literally? This is the network that made bumfights popular for fuck's sake! Unless you're prepared to show live dismemberment or executions, I call immediate bullshit.
  

But enough taking shots at Mr. DiSanto, for now, here's a question I'd like to hear responses to: If MTV will completely sell out, what's going to happen to MTV2? As it is, it only plays Johnny Knoxville/Bam Margera production shows. Can we retool that to provide an honest-to-God music channel?