Once upon a time, for the sake of this story, let's say...fifty years ago, you needed two things to be a musician: a musical instrument, preferably guitar, and talent. Looks were important then too, but if you sucked, you got called out for it. If you wanted to get popular, you'd play on the nightclub circuit and if you sucked, they killed your career dead before it started. The A & R guys would be in the back of the joint and if you were good, you'd have a deal and be on the radio in fifteen minutes. That's how the Stones did it, that's how The Beatles did it, that's how Janis, Jimi, Jim, Skynyrd and Zep did it.
Twenty-five years later, shortly after the apparent 'suicide' of Kurt Cobain, a new phenomenon happened. Britney Spears, fake tits and all, decided to get some computer help with singing. She can sing a little bit, but not without major touching, but no one cared, she had big tits. Jessica Simpson followed in her wake, while on the other side of the gender divide, NSYNC and Backstreet Boys were buying up all the hair gel in the known world. No one of these motherfuckers could sing, but as long as they had washboard abs, and a computer to fix shit with on the fly, again, no one cared.
What a lot of people realized, but wrote off as coincidental, 90% of the successful pop singers of the nineties (and even now) came from the Disney Channel. To illustrate my beef, and to give you guys some context, Michale Jackson, Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin and Dean Martin were the pop singers of their day, compared to Britney Spears, Christina Aguilara, Hanna Montana and whatever that jailbait witch from Waverly Place's name is.
With all that said, I have a couple questions:
How the hell did Disney Channel take over the music game?
Why doesn't the radio play anything good anymore?
Do people actually know how to sing or play instruments, or are they quickly taught and filled in with computers?
Why are people in general stupid enough to buy into this
If I were to start a musical revolution, who would join me?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
GGD Writing Challenge
With a glimmer of malevolence in his eye, Doctor Divinorak hefted the magnetic resonance gun to his shoulder and turned to his young, obviously terrified, lab assistant.
"Do you know another name for an experiment gone awry?" Divinorak asked.
"A felony?" the assistant timidly answered.
"No," Divinorak replied informatively, "a happy accident." He pulled the trigger, instantly disintegrating the far wall of the lab.
"Do you know another name for an experiment gone awry?" Divinorak asked.
"A felony?" the assistant timidly answered.
"No," Divinorak replied informatively, "a happy accident." He pulled the trigger, instantly disintegrating the far wall of the lab.
Lukewarm Love Polygons
I understand that in order to keep a television series on the air long-term, you need some plot element that lingers over the run of the series, or at least a large chunk of it. For shows where the plot elements are event based (think doctors, lawyers, cops) this will likely take the form of a romance between the male and female protagonists. The catch is everyone knows that if they get together too quickly, the show will lose viewers, so you gotta drag it out for as long as possible, using pretty much every trope in the book. What will ultimately end up happening is the the romantic angle will turn into a big game of 'Will He/She or Won't She/He' This tactic can be played straight, subverted, or be plain fucking obvious. Bones, Defying Gravity and Castle. will be used to illustrate an example of each
In Bones, it's played pretty straight. Booth and Brennan are both very much aware of the chemistry between them. He has dreams, she gets the gossip stream from her coworkers, they even see the same shrink for couple's therapy by any other name. It's so cute that at the end of every episode, they have a burger (or some food, but generally a burger) and a beer, with the longing looks and what not. We all know that by the end of the series, they're going to be dating/married, potentially with kids in the picture, or at least a very strong implication of either scenario.
Defying Gravity subverts this by not only giving everything to you for free in the beginning. We see all the stuff happen during astronaut training, then we fast forward a few years. Now we have a situation where all of the main characters dated each other (with some getting hitched), and are now trapped with each other on Antares for six years . Jen dated Ted, married Rollie, and is pretty much going to go back to Ted while on the ship, Ted dated Jen, married Eve, and is stuck on the ship with Jen. Then there's that poor bastard Donner still lamenting the chick he left behind on Mars while Nadia and Zoe are at each others' throats, even though EVERYONE knew from the word 'Go' it's going to be Zoe and Donner, I mean is there any doubt that the romance in this was designed merely for the sex and nothing else? Christ, Eve hung a lampshade on it near the end by saying "It was always Zoe and Donner"
And then we have Castle, the impetus for this post, with a little assistance from Robin (@UppityWomyn). Here we have Castle and Beckett, polar opposites of each other in most respects,going round and round. Castle's a divorced family man that basically acts like a womanizer, and Beckett's the hardass who wants to settle and have a family after she locates the guy who killed her mom and avenges her, but she's not going to say that out loud. She's the inspiration for his book, writes about passionate sex between them, but in real life (show perspective)they're a pair of teenagers at best going through the motions. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the 'inadvertent double dinner date at fancy restaurant' gag one too many times.
Look guys, I'm a fan of all three shows (less so Bones than the other three, but I don't even dislike it), and I doubt you'll find a bigger Wassenfelder fan ('cause I know I'm on the ship, and you're not, because it's fractalrific!), but sweet Jesus people, learn to write better romantic scenes, or at least don't write them so obviously.
In Bones, it's played pretty straight. Booth and Brennan are both very much aware of the chemistry between them. He has dreams, she gets the gossip stream from her coworkers, they even see the same shrink for couple's therapy by any other name. It's so cute that at the end of every episode, they have a burger (or some food, but generally a burger) and a beer, with the longing looks and what not. We all know that by the end of the series, they're going to be dating/married, potentially with kids in the picture, or at least a very strong implication of either scenario.
Defying Gravity subverts this by not only giving everything to you for free in the beginning. We see all the stuff happen during astronaut training, then we fast forward a few years. Now we have a situation where all of the main characters dated each other (with some getting hitched), and are now trapped with each other on Antares for six years . Jen dated Ted, married Rollie, and is pretty much going to go back to Ted while on the ship, Ted dated Jen, married Eve, and is stuck on the ship with Jen. Then there's that poor bastard Donner still lamenting the chick he left behind on Mars while Nadia and Zoe are at each others' throats, even though EVERYONE knew from the word 'Go' it's going to be Zoe and Donner, I mean is there any doubt that the romance in this was designed merely for the sex and nothing else? Christ, Eve hung a lampshade on it near the end by saying "It was always Zoe and Donner"
And then we have Castle, the impetus for this post, with a little assistance from Robin (@UppityWomyn). Here we have Castle and Beckett, polar opposites of each other in most respects,going round and round. Castle's a divorced family man that basically acts like a womanizer, and Beckett's the hardass who wants to settle and have a family after she locates the guy who killed her mom and avenges her, but she's not going to say that out loud. She's the inspiration for his book, writes about passionate sex between them, but in real life (show perspective)they're a pair of teenagers at best going through the motions. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the 'inadvertent double dinner date at fancy restaurant' gag one too many times.
Look guys, I'm a fan of all three shows (less so Bones than the other three, but I don't even dislike it), and I doubt you'll find a bigger Wassenfelder fan ('cause I know I'm on the ship, and you're not, because it's fractalrific!), but sweet Jesus people, learn to write better romantic scenes, or at least don't write them so obviously.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Context Matters
When I'm on Twitter, I get the majority of my entertainment news (not tabloids) from Cy Lauz (@CYofRelief). She tweeted that VH1 has a transgendered women makeover show in development, and I went postal, not because of the women, but because of the show itself. 140 characters isn't enough, nearly enough, to express myself on this, so here's why this is a TERRIBLE idea:
1) It's reality TV. I should be able to stop right there, but I'm going to continue. It's reality TV, which hasn't really evolved much in fifteen years, that's unoriginal short of the fact the cast are transgendered women. They're not doing anything positive (or really negative for that matter) for reality tv.
2) It's on VH1. Now I know the younger kiddies out there have no clue what those letters mean, and they are unlikely to look. the VH stands for Video Hits, as in music videos. So first, show me the music in a makeover beauty show. You want to the track in the background, okay. Sow me the hits. The royalties alone would kill them, so how abuot this, find me any aspect of this show that has to do with music videos, or the music industry at all
3) The Harriet Hayes Problem. I take an example from an episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip to explain. Harriet Hayes, a devout Christian comedienne, made a deal to sing at events sponsored by a Christian group she'd been with since childhood. After saying two words on gay marriage, she's told to stay home, so she decides to do a lingerie shoot in retaliation. Simon Styles and Tom Jeter, friends and castmates, talk her out of it by pointing out that she's being objectified, but not in the way she wanted to be.
Applying this to the matter at hand, transgendered women want to get themselves out there in a positive light. I'm all for that. In order to do so, they're going to have to objectify themselves. I'm still with you, it's part and parcel of being on tv. Why, why, WHY on Earth would your first move to be on reality tv? Look at the gay community. It took them God knows how long to escape first, the stereotype of being 'pretty boys', then to escape the 'Queer Eye' stereotype. Oh hey, there's a PERFECT example of getting the wrong end of the deal.
The historical pop culture, admittedly geek, parallel would be Nichelle Nichols. In 1960s America, it was a major paradigm shift that blacks could have jobs of actual responsibility and authority and NOT fuck up. Being a black bridge officer with legitimate rank, an actual job, and actual skill was a game changer, and helped pave the way for Morgan Freeman to play the President and for Barry to do it in real life.
4) It's just not going to be any good. I mean, really? Socio-temporal differences aside, there was probably a reason why RuPaul never did a beauty reality show when he was still relevant, opting for a standard talk show. Why do a show you know is the same ole same ole, has a shelf life, and in general is not worth doing? Do us all a favor: stop wasting our time
1) It's reality TV. I should be able to stop right there, but I'm going to continue. It's reality TV, which hasn't really evolved much in fifteen years, that's unoriginal short of the fact the cast are transgendered women. They're not doing anything positive (or really negative for that matter) for reality tv.
2) It's on VH1. Now I know the younger kiddies out there have no clue what those letters mean, and they are unlikely to look. the VH stands for Video Hits, as in music videos. So first, show me the music in a makeover beauty show. You want to the track in the background, okay. Sow me the hits. The royalties alone would kill them, so how abuot this, find me any aspect of this show that has to do with music videos, or the music industry at all
3) The Harriet Hayes Problem. I take an example from an episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip to explain. Harriet Hayes, a devout Christian comedienne, made a deal to sing at events sponsored by a Christian group she'd been with since childhood. After saying two words on gay marriage, she's told to stay home, so she decides to do a lingerie shoot in retaliation. Simon Styles and Tom Jeter, friends and castmates, talk her out of it by pointing out that she's being objectified, but not in the way she wanted to be.
Applying this to the matter at hand, transgendered women want to get themselves out there in a positive light. I'm all for that. In order to do so, they're going to have to objectify themselves. I'm still with you, it's part and parcel of being on tv. Why, why, WHY on Earth would your first move to be on reality tv? Look at the gay community. It took them God knows how long to escape first, the stereotype of being 'pretty boys', then to escape the 'Queer Eye' stereotype. Oh hey, there's a PERFECT example of getting the wrong end of the deal.
The historical pop culture, admittedly geek, parallel would be Nichelle Nichols. In 1960s America, it was a major paradigm shift that blacks could have jobs of actual responsibility and authority and NOT fuck up. Being a black bridge officer with legitimate rank, an actual job, and actual skill was a game changer, and helped pave the way for Morgan Freeman to play the President and for Barry to do it in real life.
4) It's just not going to be any good. I mean, really? Socio-temporal differences aside, there was probably a reason why RuPaul never did a beauty reality show when he was still relevant, opting for a standard talk show. Why do a show you know is the same ole same ole, has a shelf life, and in general is not worth doing? Do us all a favor: stop wasting our time
Top Freakin' Chef
First, let me begin by saying in general, FUCK REALITY TELEVISION. I put it in all caps to the dismay of the font police because it's just that important.
Now, that said, let me tell you why I like Top Chef.
First, I like to cook. Yeah, I said it. I'm a heterosexual male who knows how to and enjoys to cook. In fact, I think it's almost a racial stereotype that black men know how to cook, but it's subverted since it's part of the heritage. (I'd like to stop for a second and mention this choice house I'm listening to. It's straight old school 90s sounds, except it dropped like last week. In fact, it's the A-Trak remix of a band I totally don't like: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, namely 'Heads Will Roll', and I'm now going to start the Twitter abbreviation NIGO for 'need I go on?')
Now, because I like to cook, I want to learn how to do stuff I don't know how to do, especially if it's fancy as shit, and it tastes awesome, which is what Top Chef is all about
Second, I like to see the talent they get together. Unlike Hell's Kitchen, or whatever food show NBC's gonna cancel next, or whatever nonsense on Food Network, Top Chef actually has damned talented chefs. This past season, there were two James Beard nominated chefs, one who worked more or less directly for Eric Ripert, I mean it was nuts. The cooks in Hell's Kitchen are pretty much just that, cooks. And why is it they're ALWAYS serving a godsdamned WELLINGTON FOR SEVEN DAMNED SEASONS!!!!!
Third, the drama, while at the very least coached, is done pretty well. Yes, it's most definitely a show on Bravo, West Coast like a motherfucker, well represented in the GLBT crowd, let's call a spade a spade. Yes, it's a show on Bravo, West Coast like a motherfucker, sophisticated as hell, but pretentious as fuck, hoity-toity haute couture 'indie minded claptrap'. I get all that. But damn it, I can genuinely be about being stylish and 'classy just like these guys', while not spending a bajillion dollars in the process.
Fourth, the in house drama a la The Real (Bullshit) World is kept to a minimum. It's all about producing good food. You screw up once, you could be the hottest shit on the planet, they will tell you to pack your knives and get the fuck OUT
Lastly, the judging, though sometimes, okay, a lot of the time, vague as hell (like how everything is 'finished off' and everything is 'clean') is as fair as you're likely to see in reality competitions. To steal and modify a trope from TVTropes.Org, Anyone Can Be Eliminated
Now, that said, let me tell you why I like Top Chef.
First, I like to cook. Yeah, I said it. I'm a heterosexual male who knows how to and enjoys to cook. In fact, I think it's almost a racial stereotype that black men know how to cook, but it's subverted since it's part of the heritage. (I'd like to stop for a second and mention this choice house I'm listening to. It's straight old school 90s sounds, except it dropped like last week. In fact, it's the A-Trak remix of a band I totally don't like: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, namely 'Heads Will Roll', and I'm now going to start the Twitter abbreviation NIGO for 'need I go on?')
Now, because I like to cook, I want to learn how to do stuff I don't know how to do, especially if it's fancy as shit, and it tastes awesome, which is what Top Chef is all about
Second, I like to see the talent they get together. Unlike Hell's Kitchen, or whatever food show NBC's gonna cancel next, or whatever nonsense on Food Network, Top Chef actually has damned talented chefs. This past season, there were two James Beard nominated chefs, one who worked more or less directly for Eric Ripert, I mean it was nuts. The cooks in Hell's Kitchen are pretty much just that, cooks. And why is it they're ALWAYS serving a godsdamned WELLINGTON FOR SEVEN DAMNED SEASONS!!!!!
Third, the drama, while at the very least coached, is done pretty well. Yes, it's most definitely a show on Bravo, West Coast like a motherfucker, well represented in the GLBT crowd, let's call a spade a spade. Yes, it's a show on Bravo, West Coast like a motherfucker, sophisticated as hell, but pretentious as fuck, hoity-toity haute couture 'indie minded claptrap'. I get all that. But damn it, I can genuinely be about being stylish and 'classy just like these guys', while not spending a bajillion dollars in the process.
Fourth, the in house drama a la The Real (Bullshit) World is kept to a minimum. It's all about producing good food. You screw up once, you could be the hottest shit on the planet, they will tell you to pack your knives and get the fuck OUT
Lastly, the judging, though sometimes, okay, a lot of the time, vague as hell (like how everything is 'finished off' and everything is 'clean') is as fair as you're likely to see in reality competitions. To steal and modify a trope from TVTropes.Org, Anyone Can Be Eliminated
Post #1: A Disclaimer of Sorts
Hello internets. As this is post number one, I feel it's my duty to let you know exactly what you're in for. This, quite simply, is a pop/mainstream whatever-you-want-to-call-it cultural rage page. A show that doesn't deserve to be made goes huge, I'm going to take shots at it. A musical artist that was good sold out/ I'm going to say something. From time to time, I will say some nutjob shit. If you can't handle the content, do yourself a favor and skip the fuck out, because here, I will say that the cast of Jersey Shore need to be beat about the head with a two by four and that someone should feed Snooki another snausage, and I just won't give a fuck.
I will aslo shameless plug things I like, leak parts of any novels I should happen to write and say some out of the box funny funny shit.
Aw hell, just read at your own risk and leave me a lone.
Damn it, I hate these first posts....
I will aslo shameless plug things I like, leak parts of any novels I should happen to write and say some out of the box funny funny shit.
Aw hell, just read at your own risk and leave me a lone.
Damn it, I hate these first posts....